I personally do not find myself in the company of political
supporters of Donald Trump, so my opportunity to engage in listening
to Mr. Trump's supporters in person is limited to none. If you are
in a different situation then you might find this to be very
constructive.
Besides me, there were two people involved in this. One is the main
author, Kai Degner. The other is "Tom," who worked at excerpting
and annotating. I am keeping him anonymous for now.
Please make no use of this for any profit.
love, Larry
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LISTEN UP, TRUMP OPPONENTS!
“The solution to uncivil discourse is not civil
discourse.”
“[We hear that] uncivil dialogue must stop, i.e.
we must commit to a more civil discourse. There are calls almost
hourly for civil discourse, and tamping down the rhetoric, for
fear it will boil over.… Civil discourse, for many, means, ‘Speak
politely.’…
Another term that is very close to ‘civil
discourse,’ [is] ‘political correctness.’ [But for Trump
supporters] political correctness, i.e. speaking politely, is not
perceived as a solution to anything. It’s experienced as the very
essence of the problem in America…. [It] is in the way of getting
real, getting down to business, getting to solutions, getting
things done, and, of course, making America great again….
Speaking is an attempt by people to be relevant,
to contribute, to participate. People aren’t just speaking words
and simple opinions, they’re attempting to manifest who they
believe themselves to be at that moment. Speech is how people show
they are alive. Speech is self-identify, speech is Self. Freedom
of speech is freedom, period. Thus, when someone’s speech is
frustrated, offensive, rough, demeaning, angry, or fearful, it’s
also something else: it’s honest and authentic….
[Asking] frustrated Trump supporters … to chose
different words, lower their volume, or be less emotional is
really asking them to restrict who they are….
[Many of us fear] the Melting Pot of America
feels like it’s getting ready to boil over, or maybe worse. [But
here’s] the problem: calling for civil discourse to stop the
threat of uncivil discourse is like putting a lid on top of the
pot to stop it from boiling. Every call for civil discourse is
more pressure applied to the lid. Every person calling for civil
discourse is increasing the pressure on the lid. The Melting Pot
is full of millions of Trump supporters who need to let off steam
and there are millions of Trump opponents standing on the lid. The
lid is not helping – it’s making it worse.
Not only are Trump opponents increasing the
pressure with calls for civil discourse, many are stoking the fire
under the pot itself. These people, whether calling for civility
or not, are (however politely) blaming, persuading, arguing with,
and proving wrong Trump and his supporters. Some explain Trump
supporters are stupid, uneducated, racist, scared, and not really
Christians. Justified or not, this language is denying Trump
supporters their self-identity, even their dignity…. The blaming
and judging is adding heat under the melting pot, while the calls
for civil discourse are pushing down on the lid. The result is
predictable, isn’t it? And the result is ironically and tragically
counter-productive: the Melting Pot of America violently explodes
– exactly what Trump opponents want to avoid….
What is the action we can take that relieves the
pressure and heat? In short, how do we, as Trump opponents, lift
the lid of the Melting Pot of America before it explodes? If
talking isn’t the solution, what do we do?
We listen….
Listening to someone can make them feel alive and
valued. Trump’s rhetoric is effective… [because he makes] people
feel heard, understood, and empathized with. In short, Trump’s
words demonstrate he listens and understands and respects his
supporters. His listening is literally giving them life. He’s
making it easy, with his simple language, for people to articulate
themselves with the cumbersome tool of speech….[1]
Freedom of speech requires listeners…. People who
want to empower fellow citizens and make America great don’t need
to think of the right thing to say, they need to think about the
right way to listen. People only have three options when they are
not listened to and get sick of trying polite speaking: shut down
and disengage, get louder and more dramatic, or get violent….
Perhaps the pressure and heat in the Melting Pot
of America is built up because know-it-all, smug, self-righteous
liberals are too smart, too uncomfortable, and too arrogant to sit
down with a Trump supporter, crack open a Budweiser, and shut the
fuck up for 15 minutes….
I define listening as what it takes to make the
speaker feel understood and respected. This sounds simple, but it
is actually incredibly complicated. Think listening is easy? Check
out this list of traits for an effective listener:
• Listener is receptive to the speaker and has an
(unbiased) open mind…
• Listener asks questions to clarify…
• Listener indicates to the speaker that the
listener understands and is listening
• Listener has an unlimited (sufficiently large)
amount of time and is available to listen
• Listener is patient and/or provides a
comfortable, open, and encouraging atmosphere…
• Listener concentrates and/or pays attention
while listening…
• Listener understands speaker’s feelings or
emotions
• Listener summarizes, restates and/or
paraphrases the speaker
• Listener is not distracted while listening….
• Listener does not interrupt….
• Listener is not tired while listening….
• Listener is free from internal distractions
such as wandering thoughts
• Listener encourages speaker to speak freely
• Listener is relaxed and comfortable while
listening
• Listener understands and takes into account the
speakers perspective (personal or cultural) or point of view….
[Note from Tom: I edited this list down to about half
its original length to make it more digestible. See the original article to read the whole original list.]
This is the kind of deep listening I mean when I
say listening can lift the lid off the overheating melting pot.
This is the listening that can create new possibilities. This type
of listening has the potential to leave people respected,
understood, whole, and alive. Literally, because this type of
listening can let a person more fully express their Self, this
deep listening can acknowledge them in a way which polite talk and
censorship never will be able to….
Trump opponents should sit down and listen to
Trump supporters… We should listen as long as it takes. We should
listen as much as it takes. We should work through our justified
sense of violated dignity, and practice listening anyway. We must
get over ourselves and show the respect we want. We must be the
change we want to see – or hear. By “we”, I may give a pass to
people whose dignity has so been violated by Trump’s rhetoric that
they cannot yet stand to listen to a Trump supporter. I don’t
blame them. By “we”, I mean individuals who have the capacity and
ability to get over the violation of their dignity. I mean people,
and also mean organizations….
BECAUSE I do not agree with Trump and don’t want
to see him elected, I’m going to do my best to do something that
might actually work: practice listening anyway, and invite,
motivate, and support as many others as I can to do the same. [2]
[1] [Note from Tom: There’s another
aspect of this I recently realized. When a candidate “speaks our
language” we think that they see the world the way we see the
world, and that what they’ll do when we elect them is what we
would do if we were chosen and were really able to do the job.
That makes it a good idea to vote for them.]
[2] [Note from Tom: Some people will say,
“But that won’t stop these people from voting for Trump!” That
may or may not be true, but when was the last time you convinced
someone to not vote for Trump by arguing with them? The way you
beat opposing candidate(s) is to do better organizing for the
candidate(s) you favor. The purpose of listening is different:
It detoxifies the political environment and drains the energies
that threaten violence and feed demagogues in the first place.]
